That's life, right? My daughter was born with anterior segment dysgenesis, which is fancy doctor speak for a type of blindness. She was only responsive to light, her corneas not being fully formed left large clouds over her pupils. A rare condition, seen in about 1 in every 300,000. After meeting with a specialist, we scheduled her first corneal transplant to take place when she turned 3 months old.
Fast forward to today, babe is 8 months old and has undergone 5 surgeries. A large learning curve and a lot of tears later, baby T now has functional vision. What that really truly means, I cannot tell you. Babies her age without any medical needs can see clear across a room. If and when that day will come, it will be from forces outside of my control.
I could write a thousand posts about manifesting your dream reality, but the truth is when your reality entwines with another person, things become messier. You cannot manifest for someone else. You can influence, guide, and pray; but their reality is their own.
Welcome, acceptance.
Acceptance that baby T chose me as her mother. Of all the women her soul could have chosen, she chose me. In choosing me as her mom, she also chose how and where her birth would take place. She already chose the physical body she would be born into, long before I was ever in the picture. That also means she chose her medical condition.
There is a philosophy that follows babies know innately what they need. They know when their stomachs are full, they know what feels good to them and what doesn't. My child, although she came from me, is not me. She is a sentient being, with her own thoughts and feelings. There are times, when she is asleep peacefully in my arms when I place my hand over her eyes and I channel all my energy into her healing. I also try to spend an equal amount of time sitting with the most important word of the day, acceptance.
We cannot always control what shows up in our experience, especially when it relates to our partner or our child. But we can control how we choose to react to it. Instead of saying to ourselves woe is me, this is so hard: we can choose how we will integrate our challenges into our experience. For me personally, it means being ever so mindful of the words I speak - especially in regards to this tiny human who is absorbing my every word.
So when facing the unexpected, I cry, sure. I curse. But after the waves of emotion inevitably take their leave, I remind myself that simply accepting is sometimes the best medicine.