While I was pregnant I had the most grand fantasies about how my birth was going to look. Don't we all? I was going to give birth totally unassisted, out in nature on a river.
Well, hold on just a minute. What if something went wrong? It was probably important to have access to medical care, just in case. So, scratch that one.
Ah, now I've got it. I am having a home birth of course!
But wait, don't I live in an apartment? Okay, forget that one.
Okay now this is it: I am going to have a water birth at the birth center. All natural, no meds. I would spend hours visualising her coming right out of my birth canal, easy as could be, even making the "ploop!" sound.
Uh... right. About that.
Do I really need to tell you that none of my birth dreams came true? I am sure you can imagine, but this is not a birth story post. My breastfeeding dreams ended up being just that, dreams. Does any mom ever plan to pump? Oh God, the feels! Your breasts physically HURT so bad, begging to be emptied. Baby is crying, ready to be fed. Please, can we help each other? Here, eat! Shoves breast in mouth. Baby latches for a moment, begins to get ever frustrated because my milk does not come as a spray. It is not fast enough for her. More screaming, we are both crying now. I am crying in my own frustration, pain, and anguish that I am unable to feed my daughter from my breast.
I take several big deep breaths, before telling myself gently to feed the baby, and try again later when we are both calm. This works for us. When she is calm, we try again. She latches for a little, drinks a little. When she gets hangry, I bottle feed, and pump.
Again, this works for US.
Incase you are in need of the most epic reminder: DO WHAT WORKS, FOR YOU.
I am not here to tell you what that is. I am here to support you in your journey. Motherhood isn't easy momma. Be easy on yourself!