What is emotional intelligence and how it relates to your children. AND WHY IT MATTERS!
You have probably heard this phrase a lot lately, on the importance of being "emotionally intelligent." What exactly does this mean?
Simply put emotional intelligence is defined as person's ability to express and manage feelings appropriately and also respect and recognize feelings in another. Wow, that is important!
Now, how exactly do we teach that to our children?
Set the example. You are always your child's FIRST and BEST teacher. By modeling appropriate expressions of your emotions, you teach your child to do the same.
Label how you are feeling and encourage your child to label their feelings. Always add in the additional word, "feeling." For example, instead of saying, "I am mad right now," try "I am feeling mad right now, because John did not answer the phone." This reminds us and our children that feelings are fleeting, like the weather. We are not our feelings. There is a big difference there!
Teach healthy coping mechanisms. Create a calming corner in your house, with cozy blankets, books, sensory toys, and a feeling chart. You can have a calm-down kit filled with coloring books or paper, and allow and encourage your child to draw out how they feel. Teaching them how to breathe deeply is also essential! Practice with a stuffed toy on their belly to show them what it means to breathe deep.
Emotional intelligence is an ongoing process. One that changes as they age and grow. Ultimately keeping in mind that you are their main source to emulate will help you throughout the years. Don't get discouraged if you lose your cool, yell, or break-down! Part of teaching our kids emotional intelligence means also showing them its okay when someone else is not feeling well. Remember to speak and verbalize how you feel, and tell them what YOU need even if they are toddlers.
"Mommy is upset right now and needs a few minutes to herself to calm down." We are not perfect, and that is not the goal. The goal is NOT to produce 100% perfectly behaved children who don't know how to identify with their feelings or the feelings of another.
Incase no one told you yet today, just by showing up for your kids you are doing a great job. You reading this and wanting to be a better parent already means you are an incredible one.