Teaching emotional control

Hi all, Eva here. Welcome to my new readers! Writing I am excited to have you doesn't cut it. Honored is more like it. Now, lets dive in.

One of my favorite ass kicking teachers, Angela Sumner said today:

"A woman who is not in control of her emotions is the most dangerous person."

You cannot teach something to anyone else, children included, unless you already embody that which you are going to teach. You really think you are going to teach your 4 year old how to meditate if you are not already doing it? Nope, not gonna happen. The best way to interest or introduce your child to something new is for them to see YOU do it. Not just one time, but over and over again.

Meditation does not mean you have to sit for an hour a day in complete silence. If you have never meditated or sat in silence before, don't worry. You can literally set a timer and start by just sitting quietly for two minutes. No distractions, no disruptions. T w o m i n u t e s. Try a guided mediation on youtube. The important thing here is to just do it.

Now, lets say your babe is having a meltdown. We are past the yellow stage, (which by the way is where we can prevent them going into the red!) but we are now in the RED. The full on out kicking screaming crying phase.

When this happens, one of the first things to do is PAUSE. There is room between stimulus and reaction. TAKE THE PAUSE. This is the perfect time to take a big deep breath. Next, realise that whatever your child is feeling is NOT ABOUT YOU. Sure it may be directed toward you, but rest assured it is not about you as a mom. Your babe wants to communicate something to you, and is not feeling heard.

Sometimes all you can do for a child in full on tantrum mode is hold and hug them, and tell them over and over that they are safe. You are safe. I am here. Remind them they are safe with you.

Next validate their feelings. "I see that you are having big feelings right now. Are you feeling frustrated or angry because of _____?" Get them talking, and identify the source of the problem. Take those big deep breaths together. Teach them how to do a big belly breath, and then breathe all their air out like they are blowing out a candle.

Once calm, keep talking! Let them know that you have big feelings too, and what you do to get through them. Breathing, focusing on what is good, taking a break by yourself, and returning to a calm and peaceful state.

This takes practice, over and over again! Screaming at our kids only begets screaming. I know it is hard, but you HAVE to maintain your cool when your child loses it. YOU are their calm, safe place. Teaching kids how to regulate emotions is tough, but so essential. What are your thoughts?